Sitting here this morning in my yellow velvet, thrifted chair, I'm having a hard time finding words.
I can't get THIS off my mind. What Ann's seen. I felt the same way when that Compassion group went to Kenya. I felt the same way as a high school student sitting in the pews during missionary reports, missions conferences.
Riveted. Desperate. Cracked. Burning. Guilty. Moved. Waffling between helpless and hopeful. Helpless because I want to DO so much. Hopeful because He is mighty to accomplish His will.
Can I share a secret dream of mine with you. Shhh....
I want to GO. I daydream about selling the house, the vehicles, the everything and GOING....wherever He would send. Whenever I picture this in my mind, I see myself rocking African babies and the kids running wild with village children, my husband building a home or digging a trench or opening the Word, Living Bread, with a fellow hungry man.
And, snapping back into reality, I then feel bad, guilty, that I can not GO (at least in the near future). It's a struggle for me to accept that I can only do what I can do from here along side this family He has entrusted to me. Accept the limits of time and place He's given. Accept that our entire family has to hear His clear call and desire to obey, not just me.
I've read and reread these wise words and even though my arms ache to love on orphaned and impoverished children around the world, I'll do what I can HERE AND FROM HERE.
What I opened to this morning...
"O let me not refuse Thy leading or quench this light which Thous has kindled within me, but rather let me daily grow in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ my Lord and Master".AND
"Dear Father of Mankind,
Make me the human channel, so far as in me lies, through which Thy divine love and pity may reach the hearts and lives of those who are nearest to me."...and those far!!!(italicized words mine)
Diary of Private Prayer (you know, right, how I adore those words?)
And now on this day when I traditionally type out my thanks to Him, I count His graces near and far.
#526. Walfred, Werner, Wilman and a Bible under the pillow
#527. beautiful ones who say YES! to going
#528. the kids, "Xiomara's pretty, Mom. Can we go meet our Compassion sister?"
#529. everydayness here
#530. first week of school completed
#531. grace and forgiveness after frustration
#532. consequences stuck to
#533. brother's sister love
#534. little girl wrapped around strong Daddy
#535. honking, v-ed geese
#536. brilliant, bright stars before dawn
#537. streams of sunshine casting long shadows on walls, across faces
#538. worship that ignites like fire....rising to Him
Hopeful with you today,